Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
