I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
