Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
