is your mom at the bar?
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
