so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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