My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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