Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Holy sore nipples Batman
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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