i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
