New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
