My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
