if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She bit a glass in half.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
