I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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