So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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