I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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