Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
