Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Randomize
