none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
