Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
