hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
