the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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