I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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