I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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