Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
