he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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