oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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