but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
