Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
