I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The Olympian is in my bed
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