You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
