They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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