And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
