tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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