Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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