margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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