I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
