hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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