Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
