moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
