tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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