I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
