i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
