Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
