It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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