I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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