Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
