why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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