What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
