Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
