awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I wear drunk well.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
