anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
