My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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