He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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